Last day of 2017

Last day of 2017 and as per always… I look back at all the happenings for the past 365 days. Picking 12 pictures to represent each month is impossible so… 

Feb

Birthday was awesome. I’m always low profile and never see the need to tell anyone or show it off. No point telling the whole world how popular I am with multiple photo of cakes and stuff which (could be real or fake). No point posting pictures of expensive things that I like which eventually leads to people buying it for you. 

So I’m very blessed to be showered by all the love despite not telling anyone. And I’m thankful that there wasn’t any moments that I feel paiseh or being pushed into the limelight. 

But I wouldn’t forget being prank big time thanks to the awesome colleagues I had. 

https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/05/30/revenge-is-sweet/

Mar 

5 years long service award which by right should be 6 years. Anyway there isn’t any need to count anymore since I resigned. I was happy but happiness was short lived. Disappointment came fast and furious. 6 years of bottling up hits the boiling point.
Thankfully for the most relaxing trip to Korea planned by moi! Full planning done by me and with my mom and a good friend whom I’m thankful for taking the risk with me! I still miss the yummy food in Korea! 


https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/04/02/my-korea-trip-2017-part-1/

https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/04/11/my-korea-trip-part-2-food-restaurants-cafes/

https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/04/12/my-korea-trip-part-3-food-on-the-street-and-everything-else/

https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/04/16/my-korea-trip-part-4/


May

Hardest decision I ever made but no doubt a much needed one since I finally see how underappreciated I am. Oh well, I remembered crying non-stop throughout the day before I submit the letter. But when people don’t see your worth and you aren’t needed anymore… 😦

Family chalet with my cousins from States. The sad thing about relatives being scattered around the globe means these rare moments are extremely important to us. Because you won’t know when will we meet again?

Lastly, Fitness Fiesta 17 with some crazy ppl! And meeting my fitness idol, creator of Pop Pilates! 

https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/05/25/fitness-dayout/

Aug 

Freedom! I’m surprise that I held up well and I didn’t cry. Maybe cause i felt hurt? But whatever it is, it wasn’t the easiest time for I need time to heal and I was in a mode where I don’t bother nor want to be bothered. Everything irritates me and i just want to rebel against it.

At the same month, I finally upgraded myself with PAI pilates course! And I really mean it when I say finally. 

A super good experience I would say despite me grumbling about the additional hidden cost and the clocking of hours.

Dec

Falling sick for nearly 1 month and I aren’t joking. Actually started on the last week of November and man I was mad. I got a high fever till I literally feel like I’m dreaming and i lost my voice totally. I was desperate to get myself well but I was really down. Worst was that i had my Pilates exam and my best friend’s wedding in Dec.  

Pilates exam was stressful for me cause I lost motivation and drive to study since I was still sick. But… thankfully I survived. Was just totally amazed with myself. Knowledge gained the last 8 years don’t just disappear. Now I’m just waiting for my finally result which I hope to get my 1st 2 weeks of Jan. I know that I passed my practical. 😀

Bestie’s Wedding was the best time I ever had. Best bridesmaid experience out of the 3 I did.

https://happyessa.wordpress.com/2017/12/23/mia/

Christmas was as per always… it’s just another day. But I’m really grateful for the many gifts received despite that I can’t give much back. 
Everything else…

2017 was full of ups and downs. From nobody to another nobody. From despair,anger to healing and finding some peace. From being used to standing for myself. The journey wouldn’t be possible with the many true friends who are always by my side. I’m thankful for having them. Looking forward to 2018 with them! ❤❤❤

New year resolutions? Nah… but I do wish for a new beginning of something and of course health and happiness for me and the people around me! ❤❤❤❤❤

With lots of hope,

Essa

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Introduce myself…

It’s time to document my hectic life for myself as my memories are not as strong as many others. I want something in which I can look back and really say hey, I was upset that day or hey, I was super happy that day.

My vocabs aren’t that strong but I want to also use this method to polish up my writing skills. Some little whines and rants (maybe huge!), some reviews here and there and others.

I’m never someone who can express myself through words, especially verbally.

People might have misunderstood me for how I portray myself in the past and even now, but I’m glad some who really matters the most to me got it in the end and really stood by me.


Let me introduce you to me.

Hugs are worth more than my words

I’m emotional not cold hearted. I do not know how to console people verbally but my hugs worth much more. I’m straight to the point but not blunt yet I’m always thinking “what if I said that?” “what will happen if so?”, which made me tone down and hold back sometimes.

Workaholic

I’m totally focused at work especially when I’m super “kan-chiong a.k.a full blown panic mode” to the point I will ignore my surrounding except things or people that are related to task on hand.
I’m a workaholic to the point that my mind is at work thinking.

Family and friends matters

I love my family. I’m very protective over my mum especially when she is being misunderstood or criticized. I love some of my close friends like family, more than I show.

Attention seeking. Not? (Contradicting topic)

I crave for attention in terms of compliments. I love verbal compliments and I want recognition at work.
I hate lime lights. I’m actually camera shy and hates to be in front of one (unless it’s for fun or for personal use) but I’m glad that I’m involved in a video-shoot with one very talented ex-colleague.

No Patience

I used to have lots of patience but it’s running very thin with the heavy endless workload and people whom I just kick them upside down (in my mind). I’m on the verge of flipping table against one very cunning, bootlicking and extremely backstabbing idiot whom have nothing good coming out of mouth and … (Opps, keep calm my friend! Ommmmmmmmmmmmm!)

Rewind.

I actually crave for love (Sounds so desperate huh?)

I used to say I do not want to get married nor have kids cause I do actually have quite a fair bit of pride. I sounds humble yet sounds arrogant. I actually do want to have a relationship. But so far I have no takers.They all said my standards are too high. I would say no, it’s just I know what I want. But to put it in words? Hard.
I might sound and give the vibe that I’m a dominating b**** , but that is cause whoever that had been introduced before, it’s not going to work and I won’t waste time.

What I need is simple, someone who will take the lead and take charge, someone who will not ask me stupid questions or bug the hell out of me especially when knowing I’m doing the same thing everyday. I need the simplest love and attention.

You know what, no one really can define who the other half is. Neither do I. (After talking so much about it.)

Sleepy Monster/Daydreamer

I love and do need lots of sleep. (Maybe not.) It’s when my dream comes alive (In the dream, I mean…) And I’m a total daydreamer. If I could just live in my dreams, I seriously would consider.

Love Main Food more than Desserts

I LOVE to eat. I love main food also known as the heavy loaded meals. I’m not a fan of desserts unless craving strikes. I do not like cakes except for thick fudge chocolate cake. Anything with dark chocolate is awesome. I do not like overly sweet stuff.


That pretty much sums up a little bit of myself. Actually I don’t even know myself that well. (WHAT?)

Work wise… Being thrown into a situation where I’m forced to handle 4 people’s job at one go really makes me grow. I now have to make decision fast which was something that I don’t possess initially. I have to think fast and beg and psycho my way through stuff. (Opps…) I learn to be more firm and when needed to, I have to show that I’m no pushover despite being very nice (In my terms) to my team already.

I have yet to be able to deal with sticky situation. Handling complaints by talking to parties involved is HARD. My CRM skills are thrown back to my poly lecturers. I have yet to be able to express myself verbally that I actually exploded (Finally) when my limits was being pushed over in 4 years of my career. (It wasn’t nice.)

The feeling of being underappreciated, underpaid and overloaded is overwhelming at times. And the part where someone whom is clearly not the victim but the bully and is always doing the wrong stuff yet getting “pampered” really makes people speechless. (Opps, I’m starting again. INHALE!!!)

Oh well, in short, many things had changed. Not for the better.

Let’s end it here, because a new week is starting. the fight for survival begins again…